05.29.12 - HAPPY BIRFFFDAY TO MEEEE!

WHY!? Why am I out of this!? Of all days X_x; I really like this stuff. X_x; My damned oily face isn't oily with it on! (At least, for me!) I have another mattifying...thingy -_-; Oh, a primer... but I like the spray more. It works just as well, but like I said...I like the spray more.

I'd buy another one but I don't have the money LOL. Plus, might as well use up the primer. *nods* 

I couldn't really sleep last night and didn't really want to sleep in. I'm not excited, if that's what you're thinking. As I've said before...my birthdays are always a HUGE disappointment or I end up extremely depressed. So, I'm not getting my hopes up for tonight. 

But I just can't see to sleep my "normal" hours. I seem to have gone back to my old sleeping habits. -Aka- if something wakes me up...can't sleep again! 

The parents were collecting their tools at around 6am (I slept at 3am) and it's not loud but they have to do it next to my room, so I can hear them scrounging and such. X_x; So, that woke me up. I tried to go back to sleep..but after an hour...I quit. LOL! 

So, I took a shower, did my laundry, paid some bills. Now I'm here. Taa daa! I do have an errand to run but it's still early (for me). I usually like going out in the afternoon. 

I kind of want to re-stock my store or make new shades. But... I don't have a lot of supplies to do that. I'm almost completely out of 4 colors. 

I also want to make my special LE colors. 

I need to draw too -_-; 

05.28.12 - You can call me SNEEZY :P

-_-; I still haven't heard from April about our change of plans for Thursday. I see her today so I'm going to bug her. 

I was working on some blog posts on my other blog that's majorly neglected ;P The next thing I knew, Dad calls. "Sorry, I need you to help me bring some things from home to that house you went to last week". X_x; Great, that means that I'd have to help them work too.

OMG! I didn't get lost! LOL! Quite shocking since it's kind of a hard to find place X_x;

I ended up staying there for 2 hours sweeping dust, then vacuuming it. Since my dad's a contractor... I guess they were almost done and needed a bit of help. And there was MOUNTAINS of dust X_x; But the parents wear the masks X_x; I didn't know there was going to be MOUNTAINS (of course this is an exaggeration but there really was a TON of dust!) of dust!

Once I finished, I went home and took some photos cuz I saw some of the flowers were blooming in our front yard and they were pretty :P

05.27.12 - Random thoughts

I'm a total bag whore @_@; 

When I saw the Celine Phantom bags, I was like wtf. But, for some reason...the Celine Luggage Nano really appealed to me. (I'm too lazy to include pix here). But I don't want it. I was just talking about the shape of the bag and I liked the size.

So I was thinking, OMG those days when I wanted to learn to sew and bought a bunch of fabric... I CAN USE THEM NOW! Yeah... Maybe I'll sew a bag O_O; just for fun. It's just going to be a mini-tote/shopper bag. I can't explain it. But, I thought it'd be cute. Just for fun. I can't sew very well, but *shrugs*

Yeah, I might end up doing that on my day off tomorrow(today?). 

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Went to work today (closing shift). I only said "Hi" to Linda C. and suddenly she looks at me and looks like she's going to cry "I hate how your family treats you"....all she said was that and I started bawling my eyes out. I've been trying so hard not to cry this past week but the last few days I've just been crying. 

People in my department saw... -_-; and I ran and hid in a corner (no joke). I tried calming down but then suddenly, it came out again...big heaving sobs X_x; So embarassing. After about 20 minutes, I finally calmed down and tried to distract myself/busy myself by checking my work emails and making the closing duties list. 

I guess Linda C. felt bad for me and bought me lunch. Lol. But the only thing I wanted was pot stickers. X_x; Unfortunately, it has pork in it...but my rashes were there anyway because of the pot luck [had some other stuff I was allergic to but didn't know X_x; ]. So I was like SCREW IT! I'll get some pot stickers! I have rashes already! And they were good. Nom nom! :D~

Of course, I'm quite itchy now :D~ Good thing I refilled my prescription LOL

It was quite slow today... Sandy spent it making sure people were going to my birthday dinner. She texted me an hour ago saying that we have 40!!!! people going X_x; How did it get to be so many!? How is the restaurant going to accommodate us?! Are we going to close it down for them because of how many people we have!? I feel so bad. But, I don't think all 40 people are actually going. They say they ARE FOR SURE, but honestly, I don't think they will.

I feel kinda bad for my friend who doesn't know any of these people. All the people that were invited [even the ones I don't really talk to/know] are employees of the place I work at or former employees. My friend is coming from Chico (1 1/2 hours north) where I used to live. X_x; But she said she'll be there.

I'm going to bring my camera and take pix like a mad woman :P

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My friend finally replied to my text about us going to SF. She said she's still up for it. I told her that I had made some TEMPORARY plans because I wasn't sure if we were still going cuz she didn't tell me she was going to leave the state. Anyway, I told her that we can go. But she tells me "...don't change your plans on my account, cause my schedule is crazy busy." To me, it sounds like she didn't even want to go. I know it doesn't look like it to you but...she's done this to me MANY MANY MANY times before. *sigh*

I haven't decided what I'll do. I mean, I want to do the comic thing but I want to go to SF too. I know it's not far (1 1/2 hours away), but my car is stupid and can't handle a long drive. X_x; I dunno...

I'm hoping the parents aren't home tomorrow. I need to RELAX -_-; My nerves are going crazy! 

05.26.12 - I really should be working on something else

But I'm here cuz I'm excited! 

One of the things I was stressing about was my vacation. I won't be able to use money but because I can't be at home >_> I have to go places. But I didn't have any idea where to go!

I had this weird idea but I had to make sure the other people would be okay with it first. 

The idea was.... 

05.25.12 - Whining and an asshole customer :P

I've been whining so much lately. I really don't mean to. But it's my form of therapy. X_x; More whines to come :P

I'm thankful that all these people want to go to my birthday dinner. I'm thankful that a lot of people are helping me set it up, so that I don't have to do it. I really am grateful for that. I'm happy that you're trying to help me every way that you can and supporting me...

But... why are you inviting all these people to my birthday dinner that I don't know or talk to? 

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Last month, my other friend and I planned on going to SF together 2 days after my birthday. We haven't hung out in awhile... She said she'll take it down on her calendar.

So why am I getting all these FB statuses about her being in another state for a few weeks? :/ I texted her and asked her if we were still going and if not, I understand...but no answer.

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Before I got home, my brother texted me warning me to be careful when I get home cuz Dad was mad. My brother says the dumbest things that tick off my Dad all the time. I know he doesn't mean it, but he words it in ways that sound very rude. X__x; Yep, once I got home... I got bitched at because of him. :/

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05.25.12 - I'm the most indecisive person of the universe!

...from the previous post, I'm still under heavy stress and am super... anxious? I've had a few panic attacks, but they're gone now. Thank goodness. I haven't had those things since we first moved here.

Still haven't been able to eat or sleep. Well, the sleep thing is a different story from last time. The past few days, I was packing up orders like a madwoman since I was like 'OMG I need to ship these out BY THIS WEEK!" I'm still within my turnaround time, but if I set my mind to it... I will do it! I don't like being late on things X_x;

Yeah, so I've been packing up orders until the wee mornings forgetting that I have opening shifts at work *cough* :P~ Also, there was a cricket that found it's way inside our house >_< and chirped outside my room door ALLLLLL NIGHT!

I guess the not eating thing is "good" for me too. I need to lose me some weight. I must say that my stomach (actual organ containing food) must've shrunk from all the non-eating because when I DO eat, I can only eat a TINY amount or else I'll get full or not want to eat any more. I HAVE been drinking a LOT of water! 

Sometimes I'm super hungry but then when I think of food, my stomach reacts X_x; and says "NO!". So then, I'm like "okay, I'll drink some water!" X_x; but it doesn't ...I don't know...it doesn't help. So, I buy juice to tide me over. It's weird... but the juice helps. 

Anyway, EVERYONE at work (including managers O_O; ) has noticed how my demeanor has completely changed. I mean, I'm usually cheerful (hey! I said USUALLY :P) but I've been so down that I can't even talk or don't want to. I just stand there and stare. And I'm always worrying... and thinking about the family problems....so much that it distracts me from work. I can't seem to pay attention to the present. :/

I even told a bunch of people (read previous post) that I was thinking of cancelling my birthday dinner thing. But everyone said I shouldn't because it's MY BIRTHDAY and we should celebrate it. But, I'm really in no mood to celebrate. HOLY CRAP I JUST REMEMBERED WE HAVE A POT LUCK AT WORK TOMORROW! X_x; OH well... <--can't really do anything about it.

But I still wanted to do the birthday dinner. I never feel special on my birthday. All I want for my birthdays are to be happy and surrounded by friends and possibly family (if they're not in the worst of moods which is ALWAYS during this month!). So I was pretty excited when all those people said they'd go to my birthday thing...I'm used to people cancelling on me ON the day or just not showing up. Oh crap...it's not even the day yet... Maybe they'll not show up like it happens every year. X_x;

I'll be positive! RAWR!

Anyway, Sandy suddenly texted me saying "we need to talk" O_o; I was wondering what the heck I did wrong or something. Turns out that her and a few other people were talking and suggested we NOT go to the Korean BBQ because MOST people can't afford it (we're told to bring $30 each person: that's for food, drinks [if you drink], and the included gratuity because we'll be having a big group). They suggested AppleBee's. 

When I asked other people about it, they gave me a face like "UGH!" x_X; Turns out a lot of people don't like that place. I don't mind it. I spent many a birthday there when we lived in Chico. We always only ordered appetizers :P

Then we were all arguing back and forth about where to go. Finally, one of the cashiers yelled "Linda! It's YOUR birthday! YOU DECIDE!" Damn, why do that to me?! I'm the most indecisive person in the universe :P~ 

We've finally settled to On the Border. I've never been there before but a lot of people seem to like it. ^_^;; Now to see who's going to show up.

I told my bro not to buy me anything for my b-day but to help me pay my phone bill @___@; I'd rather have bills paid off than getting gifts. *nods*. My phone bill isn't really high, it was just the first bill I saw ;P So, I'm happy about that. One less bill to pay.

 Totally off topic! I was organizing my closet the other day and I found an item I got for my brother TWO YEARS AGO!!! LOL! Apparently, I kept forgetting to give it to him! Whoopsies! X_x; I got it at the California State Fair two years ago. It was my first time there. I had fun, I want to go again...

I thought my brother would like it. I think I got it for him for his early birthday present. *snorts* Turned out to be LATE birthday present ;P~~~

Anyway, that is all. I'm getting tired and wondering what to bring for tomorrow's pot luck at work X_x;

05.17.12 - It's almost my birthday!

RAWR! I wrote a bit and then accidentally closed the window. *sigh* It didn't save. X_x;

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It's been a long time since I've made a post. I, actually, blog / journal for stress relief. I even bought an actual journal so I could start up journaling again. <--this was months ago! X_x; I don't particularly know where it's gone. Lol! 

It's almost my birthday! I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I'll be 31. I can't believe how these years have flown by. Living in this city, the time really HAS flown by. Living in the previous town... it dragged on. I lived there for 6 years and here, it'll be 7 years in August. 

As far as I can remember, my birthdays suck. My parents are true believers in "Who cares if it's your birthday! We don't need to celebrate it!" My mom usually buys a small cake and that's usually it. Sometimes, they treat me worse on my birthday exclaiming that I haven't done anything in my life. I haven't amounted to anything, you know? It's, unfortunately, true. So that leads me to be depressed.

Speaking of depressed... that's what I've been feeling lately. Sometimes, I get this way. I can't concentrate on work or I can't even talk to anyone. I want to be left alone to mope. I can't eat. All I want to do is sleep because I know when I do...the days pass me by faster. I'm trying to bring myself out of it...but it's quite difficult. Also, because of that... I've been getting flare-ups on my eczema. So my skin's been bothering me like crazy.