innocent+twisted Alchemy

Friday, May 25, 2012

05.25.12 - I'm the most indecisive person of the universe!

...from the previous post, I'm still under heavy stress and am super... anxious? I've had a few panic attacks, but they're gone now. Thank goodness. I haven't had those things since we first moved here.

Still haven't been able to eat or sleep. Well, the sleep thing is a different story from last time. The past few days, I was packing up orders like a madwoman since I was like 'OMG I need to ship these out BY THIS WEEK!" I'm still within my turnaround time, but if I set my mind to it... I will do it! I don't like being late on things X_x;

Yeah, so I've been packing up orders until the wee mornings forgetting that I have opening shifts at work *cough* :P~ Also, there was a cricket that found it's way inside our house >_< and chirped outside my room door ALLLLLL NIGHT!

I guess the not eating thing is "good" for me too. I need to lose me some weight. I must say that my stomach (actual organ containing food) must've shrunk from all the non-eating because when I DO eat, I can only eat a TINY amount or else I'll get full or not want to eat any more. I HAVE been drinking a LOT of water! 

Sometimes I'm super hungry but then when I think of food, my stomach reacts X_x; and says "NO!". So then, I'm like "okay, I'll drink some water!" X_x; but it doesn't ...I don't doesn't help. So, I buy juice to tide me over. It's weird... but the juice helps. 

Anyway, EVERYONE at work (including managers O_O; ) has noticed how my demeanor has completely changed. I mean, I'm usually cheerful (hey! I said USUALLY :P) but I've been so down that I can't even talk or don't want to. I just stand there and stare. And I'm always worrying... and thinking about the family much that it distracts me from work. I can't seem to pay attention to the present. :/

I even told a bunch of people (read previous post) that I was thinking of cancelling my birthday dinner thing. But everyone said I shouldn't because it's MY BIRTHDAY and we should celebrate it. But, I'm really in no mood to celebrate. HOLY CRAP I JUST REMEMBERED WE HAVE A POT LUCK AT WORK TOMORROW! X_x; OH well... <--can't really do anything about it.

But I still wanted to do the birthday dinner. I never feel special on my birthday. All I want for my birthdays are to be happy and surrounded by friends and possibly family (if they're not in the worst of moods which is ALWAYS during this month!). So I was pretty excited when all those people said they'd go to my birthday thing...I'm used to people cancelling on me ON the day or just not showing up. Oh's not even the day yet... Maybe they'll not show up like it happens every year. X_x;

I'll be positive! RAWR!

Anyway, Sandy suddenly texted me saying "we need to talk" O_o; I was wondering what the heck I did wrong or something. Turns out that her and a few other people were talking and suggested we NOT go to the Korean BBQ because MOST people can't afford it (we're told to bring $30 each person: that's for food, drinks [if you drink], and the included gratuity because we'll be having a big group). They suggested AppleBee's

When I asked other people about it, they gave me a face like "UGH!" x_X; Turns out a lot of people don't like that place. I don't mind it. I spent many a birthday there when we lived in Chico. We always only ordered appetizers :P

Then we were all arguing back and forth about where to go. Finally, one of the cashiers yelled "Linda! It's YOUR birthday! YOU DECIDE!" Damn, why do that to me?! I'm the most indecisive person in the universe :P~ 

We've finally settled to On the Border. I've never been there before but a lot of people seem to like it. ^_^;; Now to see who's going to show up.

I told my bro not to buy me anything for my b-day but to help me pay my phone bill @___@; I'd rather have bills paid off than getting gifts. *nods*. My phone bill isn't really high, it was just the first bill I saw ;P So, I'm happy about that. One less bill to pay.

 Totally off topic! I was organizing my closet the other day and I found an item I got for my brother TWO YEARS AGO!!! LOL! Apparently, I kept forgetting to give it to him! Whoopsies! X_x; I got it at the California State Fair two years ago. It was my first time there. I had fun, I want to go again...

I thought my brother would like it. I think I got it for him for his early birthday present. *snorts* Turned out to be LATE birthday present ;P~~~

Anyway, that is all. I'm getting tired and wondering what to bring for tomorrow's pot luck at work X_x;

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