innocent+twisted Alchemy

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

01.03.12 - It's only been 2 hours!


It's only been 2 hours since I woke up and I'm already having a shit-tastic day! I had planned on doing many things but since all this has happened (it's not much but it just makes your day feel like crap)... I don't feel like doing them any more! 

My plans were: 
-film new youtube video [coloring April's drawing]
-do a 2011 drawing compilation for youtube
-draw for i+t

Yep, most of these are for drawing... I know this may sound like an excuse since I always give excuses when I draw ;) ... but I can only draw when I'm in the mood. It's not often either. And this makes it worse

So this is what happened! My family takes turns paying the house bill. I write it on my calender, so I know when it's my turn and etc. It's not my month, but I have to pay it this month ;/ which means next month also. Not only that, I have to pay for car insurance (usually it's like every 6 months but I think they changed companies cuz now I have to pay quite often)... X_x; AND my regular monthly bills.

I had been SO excited because I had a little extra money and I was going to purchase my supplies for my store and stuff... now I can't. Plus, tomorrow is my paid day off [despite what my manager wanted :/] and I planned on watching some movies. I DO have a free movie ticket, but the ones I want to see are "no passes" :/ Wahhh! And I have to find a way to kill time. [whenever I have my paid days off, I don't tell the parents so I can go wherever! and not kept in "prison" at home]

As I was trying to NOT stress about the $...

My doorbell rings...rapidly. Which means... my cousin is here. :/ Ugh! I didn't want to deal with him because he's so annoying and talks about things I didn't care about and somehow puts me down (without him knowing). I opened the door and there he was, he's DEMANDING I go eat with him. Then I look behind him and his parents are in the car and they're telling me to go too. I said no, thank you. The parents weren't home and they'd be pretty ticked if I went.

Then I hear another's my other cousin (his sister). I guess she's visiting from NY. Honestly, I absolutely POSITIVELY HATE IT when she's here. She makes me feel like a tiny ant and I know this isn't her fault it's more like my parents fault...but whenever she's here... it makes me think of all my failures in life (which is quite a lot). Because she's successful and I'm not. The parents will then compare and then start on how shitty my life is and how useless I am. <--awesome. But that's what always happens when she's here.

I started having a panic attack when she jumped out of the car and demanded that I go too. She demanded to hang out with me. Honestly, we were never close. NEVER EVER, even when we were kids. I was closer to her bro [the one that lives a few blocks away] than her. She's the type that always seems to get her way and everything always seems to happen for her (in a good way, I mean). 

I think I also have social anxiety. If I don't know the person very well and I'm forced to sit with them in... I get extremely stressed. I dunno...

They're going to come back soon, they promised to drag me out to see a movie [I don't want to go with them! :( ]. *sigh*

I wish this day were over already :(

1 comment:

  1. WHAAAAAT this is happening on your day OFF?!


    Well, just remember that whatever they say/do, it's because of what's going on in THEIR minds & THEIR reality, not yours. I think you're quite talented, successful, & driven! There's no need to feel small around them. You just don't talk/boast about your skills. You have a huge following for your art & makeup. That's something to be proud of. You do that all on TOP of a full time job AND providing for your family. I think you're doing a great job, but you don't need to hear that from me. I hope you'll fully realize that for yourself & whatever they do/say won't affect you. You're great, Linda! Just relax, have a good time if you *must* go out, & enjoy the free meal/movie. :) Whatever your cousin says, just have a snappy comeback or laugh in her face REALLY hard. HAHAHAHA that would be hilarious.